My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
