I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
