How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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