so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
