Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just blew my weed a kiss
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
