Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
