bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
