I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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