bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
