I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
