you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
