I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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