i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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