Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
