I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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