OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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