he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
