Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
