Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
