she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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