Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
