If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
