brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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