CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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