So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
