i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
