I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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