I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
