I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
