she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
