when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
