I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
