I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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