We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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