U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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