I got chris browned last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
