we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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