you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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