If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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