Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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