nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
