Can i not drive my cunt home
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
