No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
