I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
