i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
