i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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