So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
