So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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