I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
