Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
