Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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