This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
