Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
