I didn't shave. On purpose
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
