there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
