There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
