omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
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Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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