this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
