I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
