Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
